New funny dating quotes

• Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

• My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

• Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

• Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

• I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

• Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

• I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

• There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

• Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

• I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

Top funny dating quotes

• 50 shades of single.

• It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

• 8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

• Are you a software update, because not now!

• I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

• Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

• Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

• Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

• I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

• If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Popular funny dating quotes

• What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

• Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

• Don’t study, get slutty!

• The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

• There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

• What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

• Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

• I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

• Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

• I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

More funny dating quotes

• Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

• Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

• I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

• Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

• Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

• Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

• The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

• Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

• Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

• When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Witty dating quotes

• “Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

• Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

• Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

• Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

• Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

• Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

• I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

• If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

• You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

• Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Funny dating quotes remind us that while finding love can be serious business 💞, it’s also full of comedy gold 🎭. From awkward silences 😬 to disastrous pickup lines 🗣️, every dating experience adds to the collection of stories we laugh about later 😂. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s been ghosted 👻, mismatched 💔, or just had a hilariously bad date 🙃. So keep swiping, stay hopeful, and always find the humor in the wild world of dating 🤣!