New funny good quotes

• Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

• My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

• I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

• How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

• Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

• Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

• I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

• There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

• Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

• Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Top funny good quotes

• Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

• Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

• Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

• It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

• If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

• Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

• Never miss a good chance to shut up.

• All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

• Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

• Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Popular funny good quotes

• My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

• The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

• There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

• That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

• My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

• Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

• Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

• “I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

• Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

• The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

More funny good quotes

• Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

• Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

• The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

• Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

• Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

• Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

• Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

• I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

• Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

• If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Witty good quotes

• Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

• Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

• I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

• Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

• Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

• Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

• The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

• You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

• Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

• A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Funny good quotes remind us that being good, doing good, or even feeling good doesn’t always go as planned 😅. From well-meaning advice 🗣️ to overly optimistic promises 🎭, life’s good moments often come with a hilarious twist 😂. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever proudly said “this is good!” right before things went hilariously wrong 🤷‍♂️. So keep aiming for good, enjoy the bloopers, and always find the humor in life’s imperfect perfection 🤣!