New funny home quotes

• A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

• If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

• I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

• Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

• Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

• Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

• Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

• Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

• Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

• That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Top funny home quotes

• College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

• The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

• Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

• I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

• My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

• Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

• Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

• My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

• To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

• Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Popular funny home quotes

• The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

• No plans and no pants kind of day.

• My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

• Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

• Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

• Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

• Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

• “I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

• When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

• I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

More funny home quotes

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

• Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

• 70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

• I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

• People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

• Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

• Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

• Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

• My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

• Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Witty home quotes

• Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

• I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

• Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

• I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

• Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

• Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

• How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

• Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

• No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

• My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Funny home quotes remind us that while home is where the heart is ❤️, it’s also where things constantly go hilariously wrong 😂. From missing socks 🧦 to awkward family moments 🥴, life at home is packed with comedy gold 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever looked around their house and thought, “Well, that escalated quickly” 🙃. So embrace the mess, enjoy the comfort, and keep laughing at the beautiful madness that makes home so special 🤪!