50+ Funny New Quotes That Show Every Fresh Start Comes With Chaos

New funny new quotes

• There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

• Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

• Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

• Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

• My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

• Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

• My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

• If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

• I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

• I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

Top funny new quotes

• Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

• Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

• Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

• People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

• I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

• My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

• My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

• Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

• Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

• Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Popular funny new quotes

• No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

• There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

• Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

• Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

• Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

• “New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

• Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

• Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

• If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

• Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

More funny new quotes

• Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

• I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

• I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

• King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

• When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

• Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

• Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

• A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

• Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

• Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

Witty new quotes

• New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

• I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

• I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

• New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

• Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

• Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

• Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

• The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

• The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

• The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Funny new quotes remind us that while new beginnings sound exciting 🌅, they usually come with plenty of “what am I doing?” moments 🤦‍♂️. Whether it’s a new hobby 🎨, a new habit 🏋️‍♂️, or a brand-new mess you’ve just created 🤷‍♀️, starting fresh always brings some laughs 😂. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s embraced something new — and instantly realized how hilarious that choice can be 🤣. So dive in, embrace the chaos, and enjoy the humor of every new adventure 🤪!