New funny phone quotes

• When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

• Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

• Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

• If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

• My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

• Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

• So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

• My phone screen is brighter than my future.

• I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

• We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Top funny phone quotes

• Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

• Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

• Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

• We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

• Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

• When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

• On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

• Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

• When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Popular funny phone quotes

• Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

• Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

• For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

• I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

• If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

• Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

• Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

• Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

• No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

• The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

More funny phone quotes

• Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

• Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

• It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

• Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

• How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

• I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

• Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

• My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

• Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

• I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Witty phone quotes

• The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

• I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

• Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

• Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

• Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

• My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

• Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

• We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

• They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

• My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Funny phone quotes remind us that while technology keeps us connected 📶, it also keeps us endlessly entertained (often at our own expense) 🤣. Whether it’s sending texts to the wrong person 📩, dropping your phone on your face in bed 😅, or panicking when you can’t find it for five seconds 🕵️‍♂️, phones deliver non-stop comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever said “just one more scroll” — and instantly regretted it 🙃. So embrace the obsession, laugh at the fails, and enjoy the daily comedy show your phone provides 🤪!