New funny eating quotes

• That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

• Talents: eating!

• I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

• There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

• The most important meal of the day is the next one.

• One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

• Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

• I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

• I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

• Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Top funny eating quotes

• Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

• The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

• It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

• Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, ‘They’re eating right now.’

• The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

• I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

• The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

• Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

• I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

• The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Popular funny eating quotes

• My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

• Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

• Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

• Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

• Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

• The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

• My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

• Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

• Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

• Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

More funny eating quotes

• Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

• I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

• Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

• My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

• Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

• The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

• As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

• I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

• Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Witty eating quotes

• Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

• Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

• I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

• Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

• “Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

• Guy in front of me at the movies was reading the popcorn Wikipedia page while he was eating popcorn.

• Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

• Eating healthy requires a second job.

• Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

• Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Funny eating quotes remind us that behind every plate of food lies a story of cravings, bad decisions, and hilarious regrets 🤣. Whether it’s devouring way too much 🍟, defending your snack stash 🥡, or pretending that salad balances out the dessert 🍩, eating turns into a comedy show every single day. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever made big food plans — and bigger food mistakes 🙃. So grab your fork, embrace the indulgence, and laugh your way through every delicious bite 🤪!