New funny man quotes

• There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

• I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

• A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

• Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

• If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

• I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

• I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

• Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

• There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

• Going to all the Halloween parties this year as the Invisible Man.

Top funny man quotes

• Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

• If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

• I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

• I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

• Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

• Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

• So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

• I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

• When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

• I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Popular funny man quotes

• My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

• Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

• I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

• As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

• The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

• The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

• I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

• Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

• A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

• When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

More funny man quotes

• The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

• You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

• The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

• Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

• We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

• Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

• Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

• “I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

• I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

• If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Witty man quotes

• Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

• Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

• Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

• I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

• A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

• Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

• Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

• I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

• Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

• Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Funny man quotes remind us that men have a special way of turning simple things into epic (and often unnecessary) adventures 🤣. Whether it’s refusing to ask for directions 🗺️, inventing “creative” solutions to problems 🔨, or confidently pretending they’ve got it all under control 🙃, the comedy never stops. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that men’s logic is its own form of entertainment 🤪. So embrace the quirks, enjoy the laughter, and celebrate the funny side of being (or knowing) a man 😂!