50+ Funny Everything Quotes That Prove Life Loves To Be Extra Complicated

New funny everything quotes

• Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

• Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

• Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

• Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

• Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

• “But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

• Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

• I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

• A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

• Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Top funny everything quotes

• I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

• “Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

• Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

• You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

• Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

• Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

• Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

• My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

• Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

• Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

Popular funny everything quotes

• That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

• Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

• Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

• My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

• Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

• Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

• I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

• I can resist everything except temptation.

• I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

• A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

More funny everything quotes

• Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

• I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

• People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

• Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

• I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

• The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

• So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

• Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

• What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

• I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Witty everything quotes

• Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

• The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

• Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

• Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

• Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

• And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

• If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

• I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

• December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

• Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Funny everything quotes remind us that while we all want to have it all together, everything often falls apart in the funniest ways 😂. Whether it’s everything breaking at once 🔧, everything going wrong right before a big moment 🎯, or everything feeling way too much 🌀 — life knows how to pile it on 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever said, “Everything’s fine!” while clearly drowning 🙃. So embrace the overload, laugh at the madness, and enjoy the comedy of everything happening at once 🤪!