New funny cat quotes

• I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

• I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

• Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

• I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

• Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

• Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

• If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

• One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

• I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

• My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Top funny cat quotes

• I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

• I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

• “Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

• To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

• Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

• Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

• Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

• I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

• Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

• I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Popular funny cat quotes

• Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

• What are cats even trying to do?

• Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

• My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

• The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

• Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

• I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

• I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

More funny cat quotes

• My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

• Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

• I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

• You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

• With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

• My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

• My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

• Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

• Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

• Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Witty cat quotes

• The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

• Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

• When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

• I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

• I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

• If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

• There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

• Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

• If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

• “You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

Funny cat quotes remind us that while dogs have owners, cats have staff 😂. Whether it’s ignoring you until they need something 🙄, knocking random objects off tables 🖐️, or napping in the weirdest places 🛋️, cats constantly keep us entertained 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows they don’t own a cat — they simply serve one 🙃. So embrace the fur, laugh at the attitude, and enjoy the never-ending comedy show that is cat ownership 🤪!