New funny decision quotes

• I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

• Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

• Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

• I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

• “Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

• Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

• When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

• My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

• Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

• Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Top funny decision quotes

• Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

• Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

• I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

• Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

• You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

• Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

• Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

• Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

• One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

• People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Popular funny decision quotes

• I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

• The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

• I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

• I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

• I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

• “I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

• Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

• For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

• Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

• Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

More funny decision quotes

• A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

• Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

• What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

• All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

• How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

• Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

• “I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

• I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

• Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

• Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Witty decision quotes

• Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

• Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

• Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

• Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

• Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

• If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

• I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

• Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

• If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

• All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Funny decision quotes remind us that while decisions shape our lives 🛣️, they mostly leave us wondering “did I make the right call?” 🤣. Whether it’s tiny daily choices ☕, career moves 💼, or just deciding where to eat 🍔, every decision seems to come with second-guessing and hilarious regret 🙃. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s mastered the art of making decisions… eventually 🤪. So embrace the indecision, laugh at the overthinking, and enjoy the comedy of making choices 😂!