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I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

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When your body decides to multitask ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ“ธ #ScreenshotLife

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Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

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My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

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Quickie so fast, itโ€™s called secs.

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My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

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I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

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When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

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I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

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Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

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Called myself to see if Iโ€™d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

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The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.