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Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

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Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

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I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

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I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

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Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

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Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

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I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

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Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

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Muting morons is good for your health.

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Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.