HOBART—In a bold move to redefine dating expectations, tech start-up ‘SettleMate’ is launching a new app this week. Founder and CEO, Louise Meadows, proudly announced, “Our users will finally realize they deserve less.” The app’s algorithm promises to match users with partners who meet a comfortably low threshold of suitability.

Initial beta testers are reportedly thrilled. “It’s a relief not to worry about unachievable standards,” said Test User 0342, who preferred to remain nameless for obvious reasons. “I didn’t get swamp monsters, but close. It’s perfect!” SettleMate assures that its less-is-more approach will make dating less painful and possibly more amusing.

Critics, however, question the app’s long-term viability. Sociology professor Dr. Aidan Fudge questioned, “Will people really pay to lower their standards intentionally?” Meadows dismisses these concerns confidently, stating, “In today’s economy, everybody understands the importance of aiming low.” The company plans its next feature: a brick wall emoji for quick polite rejections.