TOPEKA—In a shocking revelation Wednesday, area resident Jeff Kipple admitted to being “real tired of my own bullshit,” after another long day of overpromising and underdelivering. Sources confirm Kipple, 35, has become his own worst nightmare of motivational failures.

“I keep telling myself I’ll change tomorrow,” Kipple lamented, sipping his third energy drink. “But, when tomorrow comes, it looks a hell of a lot like today.”

Kipple’s family expressed support. “We’ve all been rooting for Jeff to end this personal Groundhog Day,” said sister Linda. “Except Dad, who maintains this might be his most impressive spiral yet.” Despite outcries, Kipple insists he will someday “own up,” just not today.