CHEYENNE—Experts are baffled by local man Gary Neelson, known for skipping others’ stories while viewing his own Instagram posts obsessively. “Why watch when I could star?” Neelson said, causing experts to nod approvingly.

Contrary to popular criticism, his behavior has unexpectedly improved social media user experience. Neelson remarked, “Everyone’s content got exponentially better when I stopped paying attention to it.”

As statistics indicate a rise in global happiness rates, authorities are encouraging users to adopt Neelson’s methods. Analysts believe if everyone watches their own stories, the internet could finally reach its nirvana: mute, empty silence.