New funny confidence jokes

• If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

• Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

• I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

• I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

• I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

• Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

• The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

• Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

• I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

• Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Top funny confidence jokes

• When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

• I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

• I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

• I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

• I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

• If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

• All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

• Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

• Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

• “I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Popular funny confidence jokes

• I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

• No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

• It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

• I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

• I think God was high when he made me.

• Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

• If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

• Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

• Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

• I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

More funny confidence jokes

• Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

• Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

• When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

• I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

• Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

• Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

• Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

• I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

• I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

• I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Witty confidence jokes

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

• My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

• Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

• I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

• The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

• If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

• Cool times create cool guys.

• Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

• The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.