New funny home jokes

• Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

• Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

• Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

• Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

• Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

• Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

• Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

• How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

• Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

Top funny home jokes

• No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

• My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

• Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

• Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

• Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

• When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

• If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

• Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

• Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

• By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Popular funny home jokes

• Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

• Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

• Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

• You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

• My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

• Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

• Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

• Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

• My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

More funny home jokes

• “Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

• ‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

• I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

• I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

• My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

• Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

• From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

• Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

• Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

• Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Witty home jokes

• My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

• Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

• I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

• You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

• I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

• Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

• Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

• Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

• Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

• To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.