New funny eating jokes

• I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

• Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

• Many people love saying, “Get these away from me,” after eating a few chips.

• You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

• Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

• Eating healthy requires a second job.

• Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

• Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

• Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

• Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Top funny eating jokes

• We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

• Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

• Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

• Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

• Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

• I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

• They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

• The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

• Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

• How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Popular funny eating jokes

• I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

• Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

• Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

• I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

• It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

• It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

• The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

• Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

• When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

• You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

More funny eating jokes

• I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

• Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

• I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

• Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

• A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

• I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

• When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

• Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

• My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

• I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Witty eating jokes

• Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

• Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

• A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

• Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

• Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

• Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

• Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

• To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

• Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

• The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.