New funny stress jokes

• Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

• I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

• Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

• Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

• I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

• Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

• Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

• It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

• Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

• I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Top funny stress jokes

• Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

• My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

• I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

• Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

• The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

• The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

• Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

• The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

• I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.

• I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Popular funny stress jokes

• No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

• When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

• Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

• To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

• An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

• I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

• Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

• Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

• Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

More funny stress jokes

• Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

• “Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

• Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

• Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

• If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

• Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

• When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

• Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

• Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

• Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Witty stress jokes

• Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

• Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

• Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

• With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

• Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

• Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

• I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

• I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

• To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

• It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.