New funny comfort jokes

• Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

• Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

• Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

• The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

• I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

• Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

• I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

• It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

• Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

• “I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Top funny comfort jokes

• Garlic bread is my therapist now.

• The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

• My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

• Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

• Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

• The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

• Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

• Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

• With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

• The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Popular funny comfort jokes

• Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

• As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

• We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

• Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

• Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

• The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

• Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

• I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

• Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

• Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

More funny comfort jokes

• My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

• Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

• If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

• An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

• Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

• Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

• If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

• The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

• Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

• Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Witty comfort jokes

• The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

• I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

• Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

• I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

• Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

• I love my bed so much, what a place.

• Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

• Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

• Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

• Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.