New funny routine jokes

• ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

• Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

• Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

• Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

• Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

• Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

• By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Top funny routine jokes

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

• You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

• Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

• Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

• My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

• I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

• I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

• How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

• I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

• The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

Popular funny routine jokes

• I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

• Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

• People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

• Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

• You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

• Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

• A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

• Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

• Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

• I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

More funny routine jokes

• The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

• My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

• I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

• The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

• Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

• Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

• Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

• I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

• I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

• This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Witty routine jokes

• Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

• I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

• Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

• I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

• Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

• 11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

• At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

• If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

• I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

• Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.