Funny wish jokes prove that the things we hope for can be just as funny as the things we do 😄. From unrealistic dreams to dramatic desires and totally unnecessary wishes, our imaginations create nonstop comedy 🤭. Whether you’re wishing for more sleep, more money, or for things to magically fix themselves, these jokes highlight the humorous side of wanting more. Get ready to laugh at every silly wish you’ve ever made 😂.
New funny wish jokes
- I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’
- The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.
- What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.
- I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.
- I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.
- Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.
- Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.
- Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.
- I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.
- Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?
Top funny wish jokes
- I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”
- I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”
- Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.
- I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.
- I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.
- Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.
- God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.
- Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.
- I wish I could Shazam a perfume.
- My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.
Popular funny wish jokes
- I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.
- I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.
- During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.
- I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.
- The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.
- Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.
- I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.
- Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.
- I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.
- I wish people had mute buttons in real life.
More funny wish jokes
- I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.
- I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.
- Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.
- I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.
- I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.
- I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.
- Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.
- God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.
- Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.
- I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.
Witty wish jokes
- I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.
- They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.
- I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.
- They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.
- It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…
- Next month is May. May all the money come to me.
- I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.
- I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.
- I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.
- Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.
Funny wish jokes remind us that dreaming big doesn’t have to be serious 😆. From impossible fantasies to everyday cravings and wildly specific wants, our wishes make life funnier. Share these jokes, enjoy the daydreams, and remember: sometimes the best part of wishing is laughing at it 🤣.