50+ Funny Car Jokes That’ll Make Every Ride Hilarious

New funny car jokes

• Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

• Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

• I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

• Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

• I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

• Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

• I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

• Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

• I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

• You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Top funny car jokes

• Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

• Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

• The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

• “You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

• One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

• It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

• If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

• Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

• 38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

• I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Popular funny car jokes

• Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

• I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

• “Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

• My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

• Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

• When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

• Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

• Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

• If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

• There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

More funny car jokes

• I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

• Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

• Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

• There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

• The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

• Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

• I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

• All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

• The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

• I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Witty car jokes

• Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

• I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

• I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

• Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

• When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

• When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

• Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

• Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

• I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

• Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.