Funny drink jokes prove that every beverage—morning coffee, fancy cocktails, or that “totally healthy” smoothie—comes with built-in comedy 🍹☕. Funny drink jokes capture everything from clinking-glass chaos and questionable mixology attempts to straw struggles, spills, and dramatic thirst moments 🧃💦. Whether you’re sipping, chugging, or pretending it’s “just water,” these jokes highlight the hilarious side of every drinkable moment 😂🍸.
New funny drink jokes
- I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.
- The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.
- No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.
- Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.
- Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.
- I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.
- I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.
- People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?
- Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.
- As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.
Top funny drink jokes
- We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.
- I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.
- Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”
- I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.
- Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.
- The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.
- Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.
- There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.
- Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.
- Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…
Popular funny drink jokes
- “AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.
- I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.
- I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.
- Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.
- English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?
- Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.
- If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.
- Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.
- Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.
- The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.
More funny drink jokes
- When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?
- I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.
- In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.
- I only drink when I people.
- Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.
- Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.
- Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.
- My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
- I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.
- My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.
Witty drink jokes
- Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.
- My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.
- Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.
- Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.
- Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.
- Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.
- Livin’ la vida vodka!
- I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!
- I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.
- Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.
Funny drink jokes remind us that beverages aren’t just for hydration—they’re for entertainment 🍺🥤. From foam explosions and rogue ice cubes to overfilled cups and mysterious fridge drinks 🧊😆, sipping always comes with a story. Share these jokes, raise your glass, and remember: every drink tastes better with a little laughter 🤣.