50+ Funny Dog Jokes That Celebrate Our Goofy Best Friends

New funny dog jokes

• I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

• There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

• Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

• Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

• Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

• Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

• Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

• I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

• The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

• I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Top funny dog jokes

• Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

• Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

• If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

• In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

• Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

• My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

• Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

• My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

• Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

• Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Popular funny dog jokes

• Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

• My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

• Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

• When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

• People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

• My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

• I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

• There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

• Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

More funny dog jokes

• Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

• Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

• When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

• Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

• I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

• Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

• Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

• Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

• You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

• If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Witty dog jokes

• I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

• Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

• All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

• It was me, I let the dogs out.

• Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

• I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

• Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

• Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

• My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

• All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.