I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

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Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

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I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

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Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

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Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

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I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

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Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

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I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

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I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

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People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

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If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.