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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Spotted on YouTube:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

Just landed via Telegram:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Spotted on Pinterest:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Making waves on TikTok:

I love one-pot recipes. So much less mess than when I was trying to cook things without a pot.

Spotted on Facebook:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Making waves on Threads:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Trending via Snapchat:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Just landed via Facebook:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about rejection and a loyal dog, humorous and playful in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs rejection from a man when even your dog's like, 'Nah, I'm out' 🤣🐶 #dogloyalty #rejectedbyboth"

advances, bed, companionship, dog, every, humor, hurt, i, man, me, rejection, relationships, time

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Instagram this month:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

95 shares on Slack this month:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

44 shares on X this month:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

94 shares on Telegram this month:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Live now on WeChat:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Just shared via YouTube:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Spotted on WeChat:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

Breaking via X:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

Going viral on TikTok:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

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Activity Log ✨

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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