Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

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Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

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My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

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Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

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I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

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One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

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Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

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This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

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I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

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Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

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“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.