Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.