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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,565

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Shared recently on Slack:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Going viral on Facebook:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Going bananas on Telegram:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Just landed via X:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Live now on Messenger:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

2 months ago

0

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, perfect comeback strategy! Turn the tables and leave them speechless! 🤭👀 Just imagine their faces when you hit back with that line – priceless! 😂💥 Keep 'em on their toes with some sassy sass! 😏👏 #SassyAndClassy

always, anytime, context, conversation, guy, humor, joke, reply, sarcasm, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, after, all the time, another, concurrently, crisis, forever, humor, i, life, life struggles, multiple, once, struggles, think, time, used, wrong
The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

0

2 months ago

call, communication, ever, humor, i, joke, just, marital, marital joke, marriage, only, person, phone, relationship, trying, wife
The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

0

2 months ago

attractive, behavior, funny behavior, head, hitting, humor, irony, man, most, own, self-deprecation, stupid, thing
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

0

2 months ago

analogy, belief, car, Christian, church, garage, going, humor, identity
I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

0

2 months ago

after, awkward, comedy, conversation, conversation starter, cringe, humor, i, interaction, love, making, most, say, silence, social, starter, whole
Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

0

2 months ago

battery, Christmas, gift, holiday, humor, reason, remember, Santa, unknown, unknown reason

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Reddit this month:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

21 shares on Slack this month:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

The government even made aliens boring.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

25 shares on Discord this month:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Spotted on Instagram:

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Trending via Twitch:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Live now on YouTube:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

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