WICHITA—Local man Jared Thompson, 34, unveiled his latest social experiment on Tuesday by introducing his coworkers to his newly crafted imaginary friend, Jared 2.0. Sources close to the situation report that, in an audacious attempt to alleviate his social isolation, Thompson has taken up the task of inventing a friend with qualities that align perfectly with his unparalleled excellence.

“After years of searching for a companion who lives up to my astonishing standards, I’ve accepted the truth that I’m the best friend I could ever have,” Thompson explained while arranging an extra chair at a nearby café table. “Jared 2.0 never interrupts me during my extensive monologues about my unmatched video game achievements, and honestly, he gets my unique sense of humor like no one else.”

According to Thompson, Jared 2.0 has already proven to be an invaluable addition to his social life, providing the perfect amount of validation and applause at every trivial accomplishment. Inspired by this pioneering endeavor, Thompson announced plans for a self-help book series dedicated to teaching others how to construct an imaginary social circle filled exclusively with versions of themselves, heralding a new era of unparalleled self-appreciation and ultimate interpersonal harmony.