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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Being alive and sentient has been the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Just shared via Threads:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Breaking via TikTok:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Spotted on WeChat:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Just shared via Telegram:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about jealousy and humor, with playful words about a humorous funeral request.

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Commentary:
"Who said you can't have popcorn-worthy drama even from the afterlife? 👀🍿 #DramaFromTheGrave 💁‍♀️💀"

afterlife, funeral, humor, i, man, me, observation, relationship, sit, talking

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Twitch this month:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

80 shares on Slack this month:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Trending via WeChat:

Everything feels like thinking the stripper actually likes you.

Making waves on X:

Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Making waves on TikTok:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Making waves on Slack:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Just landed via Twitch:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Spotted on Telegram:

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

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Activity Log ✨

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨