29 funny afterlife quotes - Wordgag

Reincarnation, in this economy?

May 30, 2026

Due to personal reasons, I will not be reincarnating on Earth again.

May 29, 2026

Dying and being reincarnated as a beetle, and crawling to my old body’s grave, and digging down and living in my old ribcage.

May 29, 2026

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

May 29, 2026

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

May 28, 2026

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

May 28, 2026

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

May 26, 2026

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

May 25, 2026

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

May 25, 2026

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

May 25, 2026

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

May 25, 2026

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

May 24, 2026

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

May 24, 2026

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

May 23, 2026

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

May 23, 2026

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

May 23, 2026

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

May 23, 2026

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

May 23, 2026

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

May 22, 2026

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

May 22, 2026

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

May 21, 2026

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

May 21, 2026

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

May 21, 2026

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

May 21, 2026

I’m going to hell in every religion.

May 20, 2026

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

May 20, 2026

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

May 20, 2026

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

May 20, 2026

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

May 19, 2026