At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

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The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

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Tested positive for needing a kiss.

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The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

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Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

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Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

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Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

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Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

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For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

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Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

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I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.