Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

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Study so hard until Dior is like Shein to you.

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Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

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I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

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The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

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Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

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I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

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A selfie only a mother could like.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.