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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Seen just now on TikTok:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Just landed via Messenger:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Making waves on YouTube:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Going viral on Discord:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

Shared recently on Slack:

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Just shared via Slack:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about autocorrect acting like a tipsy little helper with silly mistakes.

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Commentary:
"Autocorrect: the tiny drunk roommate in your phone who thinks they're a spelling genius but really just creates a comedy of errors."

autocorrect, drunk, dumb, dumb thing, humor, person, phone, technology, thing, tiny, tiny person

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24 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

87 shares on Slack this month:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

A little friendly reminder that if somebody looks tired, you really don’t have to tell them.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Spreading quickly via X:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Live now on Messenger:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Breaking via YouTube:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Live now on Pinterest:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Spotted on Slack:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Seen just now on Discord:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hate world events. I have problems of my own to worry about.

Just landed via Instagram:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

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Activity Log ✨

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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