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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Jan 7, 2026

3,511

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Just shared via Slack:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Spotted on TikTok:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Just shared via YouTube:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Just landed via Threads:

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

2 months ago

0

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Before Facebook, the real 'hostage situation' was subjecting people to endless photo albums of our vacations! 😂📷 Now we can share those moments without the risk of a living room slideshow marathon. Thank you, social media! 🌴📸"

Facebook, home, people, photo, social media, vacation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

0

2 months ago

activity, childhood, culture, DuckTales, flex, fun, fun activity, intro, intro song, music, nostalgia, pop, pop culture, sing, song
Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

0

2 months ago

connection, frustration, humor, internet, irony, joke, life, me, should, technology, unstable, Wi-Fi, wifi
“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

0

2 months ago

artificial, artificial intelligence, future, humor, intelligence, joke, machines, ok, people, robots, smart, soon, tech, tech humor, technology
Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

0

2 months ago

before, behavior, cannabis, hold, humor, i, joke, paranoia, recreational, scared, smoker, smokers, social, social behavior, stereotypes, store, weed
My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

0

2 months ago

age, doing, excuses, humor, i, moods, old, reluctance, sober, time, tired
I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

0

2 months ago

adrenaline, am, excitement, feeling, freedom, heavy, heavy metal, honor, i, know, lightning, metal, music, nature, racing, smoke, thrill, thunder, under, wind

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Slack this month:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

22 shares on Slack this month:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

39 shares on X this month:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

Masturbation is easy, but choosing a video is hard.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Just shared via YouTube:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I have a yearning disability.

Seen just now on Instagram:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Just landed via Telegram:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

Seen just now on Slack:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

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