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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Jan 7, 2026

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Going viral on Discord:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Making waves on YouTube:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Trending via Pinterest:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

2 months ago

0

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Before Facebook, the real 'hostage situation' was subjecting people to endless photo albums of our vacations! 😂📷 Now we can share those moments without the risk of a living room slideshow marathon. Thank you, social media! 🌴📸"

Facebook, home, people, photo, social media, vacation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

0

2 months ago

check, clean, cleaning, day, discover, dishes, domestic, domestic life, feel, humor, i, kids, life, move, move out, parenting, reality, reality check, responsibility
If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

0

2 months ago

anger, clean, cleaning, cleaning motivation, everyone, family, frustration, hours, house, humor, i, just, know, motivation, yell
If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

0

1 month ago

better, breakup, education, focus, Harvard, humor, i, relationship, school
It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

0

2 months ago

drug, gambling, life, motivation, people
People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

0

2 months ago

allowed, consumption, dislike, entertainment, humor, i, media, opinion, people, preference
Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

0

2 months ago

freedom, having, humor, i, kid, kids, lifestyle, man, parenting, sarcasm, sucks, time, want, whatever

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,534

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Just landed via Facebook:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Just shared via Snapchat:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Going viral on Twitch:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

Just shared via Messenger:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Just shared via Pinterest:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

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