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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Jan 5, 2026

3,382

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Live now on Telegram:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Going bananas on Reddit:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Trending via Messenger:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Live now on Reddit:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Going viral on WeChat:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Trending via Telegram:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Trending via Reddit:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

2 months ago

0

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🇬🇧 British people really know how to spill the tea in more ways than one! 😂☕️ No wonder they proudly identify as "Bri-ish" after sipping on that legendary T! 🤣 Talk about a cultural connection through beverages! Cheers to British humor and their love for a good cuppa! 🤪👏 #BritishHumor #TeaLovers

accent, British, cultural, cultural reference, drinking, humor, joke, people, reference, tea

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

0

2 months ago

bad, bed, great, humor, i, irony, lie, procrastination, relaxation, responsibility, thing
I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

0

2 months ago

acceptance, again, attitude, disappointed, disappointment, even, frustration, humor, i, just, oh, okay, perseverance, resilience
My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

0

2 months ago

around, cat, cats, dynamics, humor, husband, just, me, order, pets, relationship
For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

0

2 months ago

birthday, delete, everyone, expired, head, humor, i, joke, me, old, old version, self-deprecating, self-improvement, version, want, whatever
The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

0

5 months ago

90s, cigarette, cigarettes, decade, humor, i, memory, miss, nostalgia, only, people, smell, smoking, thing
One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

0

4 weeks ago

casual, casual conversation, conversation, drink, humor, kettle, let, main, me, phrase, put, reasons, say, stuff, tea

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

10 shares on TikTok this month:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

16 shares on Discord this month:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Shared recently on X:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Making waves on Threads:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

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