Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

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A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

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People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

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The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

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So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

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I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

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Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

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My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

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Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

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I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

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Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.