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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,581

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Going bananas on WeChat:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Making waves on Discord:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Live now on X:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Trending via Messenger:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Just shared via TikTok:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Seen just now on Discord:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

0
Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Dogs have mastered the art of plate surveillance with military precision. They'll execute covert missions, scale mountains of cushions, and perform acrobatic feats just to catch a glimpse of the culinary delights on offer. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and they're not about to miss a chance to snag a snack!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on X this month:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

38 shares on Threads this month:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

68 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,442

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Going viral on Pinterest:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Just landed via X:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Live now on Instagram:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Live now on Instagram:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

Seen just now on Twitch:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

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