“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

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I’m not alone. I have ants.

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“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

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I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

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They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

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I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

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I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

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Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

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A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

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Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

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I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.