Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

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What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

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Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

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Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

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My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

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I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

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In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.

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Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

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I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

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Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

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“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.