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Commentary:
"Buying vegetables is like entering a lottery where the jackpot is a healthy meal, but the odds are stacked against you 🥦🥕💸. It's a true test of optimism in the face of vegetable-related disappointments! 🌟😂 #TriumphOfHope #VeggieStruggles"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

1 month ago

battery, charged, excitement, exciting, guess, humor, i, nightlife, phone, sleeping, technology
Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

1 month ago

activity, alcohol, blue, casual, day, drink, drinking, excessive, got, humor, humor quote, i, me, recreational, red, roses, social, social activity, thinking, time
I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

2 months ago

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

2 months ago

humor, i, just, know, learning, mistake, repetition, same, sure, times
Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

1 month ago

access, giving, humor, internet, irony, mistake, people, technology
The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

1 month ago

aisle, audacity, frustration, humor, i, peeve, pet, pet peeve, shopping, someone, store, want

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

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I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

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Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

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Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

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Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

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Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

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Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

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Broadcasted on Instagram:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Just shared via Twitch:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Just shared via WeChat:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Just landed via Messenger:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Trending via Twitch:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

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Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

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Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

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