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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Making waves on Discord:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Making waves on TikTok:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Just shared via Discord:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Just shared via WeChat:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Going viral on Reddit:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

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Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.
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"Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar… 🌟Looks like they didn't planet that way! 🪐😂✨"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

57 shares on Facebook this month:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

99 shares on Discord this month:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

26 shares on X this month:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

97 shares on X this month:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,627

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Trending via Snapchat:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Just landed via Facebook:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Just landed via Pinterest:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Trending via Snapchat:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Seen just now on Reddit:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Trending via Instagram:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

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