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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Live now on Pinterest:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Just landed via Threads:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Shared recently on Facebook:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Just shared via Discord:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Going viral on Facebook:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Just landed via Reddit:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

37 Funny delivery quotes

Funny delivery quotes 🚚😂 bring a smile to those moments when your package takes forever or arrives in the quirkiest way! Whether it’s about late arrivals, unexpected surprises, or the joys of unboxing, these witty lines capture the hilarious side of getting stuff delivered. Ready for some laughs and relatable vibes? Let’s dive into the funniest takes on the wild world of delivery! 📦🤣✨

New funny delivery quotes 👇

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All funny delivery quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

64 shares on TikTok this month:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

63 shares on X this month:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

46 shares on Discord this month:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

That stupid look on my face is my face.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,567

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Going viral on Instagram:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Live now on Slack:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Spotted on Instagram:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Shared recently on YouTube:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Just landed via WeChat:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Going viral on Facebook:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

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