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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Long story short, I survived.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Just shared via Messenger:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Seen just now on Threads:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Trending via Instagram:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Making waves on WeChat:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Breaking via Reddit:

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

37 Funny delivery quotes

Funny delivery quotes 🚚😂 bring a smile to those moments when your package takes forever or arrives in the quirkiest way! Whether it’s about late arrivals, unexpected surprises, or the joys of unboxing, these witty lines capture the hilarious side of getting stuff delivered. Ready for some laughs and relatable vibes? Let’s dive into the funniest takes on the wild world of delivery! 📦🤣✨

New funny delivery quotes 👇

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All funny delivery quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

59 shares on Threads this month:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

63 shares on TikTok this month:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Alexa, mute my children.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,701

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Shared recently on X:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Going viral on YouTube:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

Just landed via Threads:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Just shared via TikTok:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Trending via WhatsApp:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Breaking via X:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

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