Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Commentary:
"Ah, the pasta noodles finally getting a glimpse of the world outside their box prison! 🍝🌎 Thanks to capitalism, they can now dream of al dente adventures and sauce-y escapades! Who knew transparency could be so deliciously entertaining? 😄"
6 months ago
Share →: Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Commentary:
"Christmas adverts be like: 🍗🎅🥂 Spoil yourself, you're a Christmas angel! 🎄✨ New year adverts: 🥴🥗💪 Look at what you've done, you jolly ol' sack of Christmas treats! 🤣🎇"
6 months ago
Share →: I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Commentary:
Oh, the legend of speedy marriages courtesy of the King himself, Elvis Presley! 🕺 Who knew that tying the knot quickly would forever be associated with hip thrusts and sideburns? 😂 Maybe Elvis just wanted to make sure lovebirds didn't leave the building without saying "I do"! 💍🎶 #MarriageGoals #ElvisTime
6 months ago
Share →: I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Commentary:
"I totally get it! The satisfaction of having exercised is unmatched, but the thought of actually doing it… 🏋️‍♂️💭 Procrastination at its finest! 😅"
6 months ago
Share →: I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Commentary:
"Who needs perfect teeth when you have a million-dollar frown to match? 😏😬 Braces: turning frowns upside down since… well, forever! 😂 #SmileWithAttitude"
6 months ago
Share →: All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Commentary:
"Beep beep! Honk if you're tired of chitchat! 🚗📣 Just call me the road rage equivalent of a conversation starter. Who needs idle chit-chat when you've got a horn as loud as my opinions? 🤭🚦 #HonkIfYouAgree"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Commentary:
"Who needs dating apps when you can swipe right on a delicious meal? 🍔🚗 Let's be real, food delivery folks bring joy and sustenance straight to your doorstep – they truly deliver in more ways than one! 😄🍕 #FoodOverDudes"
6 months ago
Share →: I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between productivity and bed's seductive embrace! 💤💼 It's a daily battle of ambitions vs. comfort, a tale as old as time… or at least as old as the snooze button! ⏰😅 Who will win today, the go-getter or the snoozer? Stay tuned for the thrilling sequel: 'The Procrastination of Napping'. 😂"
6 months ago
Share →: “What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Commentary:
Hmm, sounds like someone misunderstood the concept of a "random act of kindness" 🤦‍♂️🚫 Next time, how about treating them to some ice cream instead? You might save them from a potential headache… literally! 🍦🤣 #RandomActsOfKindnessGoneWrong
6 months ago
Share →: Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Commentary:
"Priorities, my friends! Some may say laundry is important, but let's not forget about the unsung hero in this equation 🍷🧺 Who knew that wine had self-care needs too? Cheers to a perfectly balanced life! 🥂"