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New funny quotes: 56 this month

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Updated: Mar 21, 2026

 

 

 

 

45 Funny drive quotes

Funny drive quotes πŸš—πŸ’¨ are the perfect way to add a dash of humor to your road trip playlist 🎡 or daily commute! Whether you’re navigating through traffic jams 🚦 or cruising down the open highway πŸŒ…, these witty one-liners and puns can turn the wheel of boredom into laughter 🀣. So, buckle up and get ready for a ride filled with giggles and smiles as you discover the lighter side of hitting the road! πŸ˜„

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Posted onFeb 3, 2026

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, β€œDon’t text and drive.”

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Posted onJan 30, 2026

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

Posted onJan 29, 2026

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Posted onJan 29, 2026

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Posted onJan 29, 2026

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Posted onJan 28, 2026Feb 28, 2026

β€œBaby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Posted onJan 28, 2026

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Posted onJan 28, 2026

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Posted onJan 23, 2026

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Posted onJan 23, 2026

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him β€œJust drive”.

Posted onJan 23, 2026

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s β€œyou can’t drive”.

Posted onJan 23, 2026

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Posted onJan 23, 2026

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Posted onJan 23, 2026

Drive like no one is watching.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Posted onJan 22, 2026

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Posted onJan 22, 2026

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Posted onJan 22, 2026

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Posted onJan 21, 2026

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Posted onJan 21, 2026

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Posted onJan 21, 2026

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Posted onJan 20, 2026

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Posted onJan 20, 2026

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Posted onJan 20, 2026

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