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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Just landed via TikTok:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Seen just now on Threads:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Live now on Twitch:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Just landed via Discord:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Making waves on Discord:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Live now on YouTube:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Just shared via YouTube:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

56 Funny fat quotes

Funny fat quotes bring humor to the often sensitive subject of body image! 🍔😂 From witty remarks about food cravings to playful observations on body shape, these quotes celebrate the lighter side of self-acceptance. Enjoy a laugh and embrace the fun in every shape and size! 😄🎉

New funny fat quotes 👇

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

5 days ago

5, 8, alcohol, beer, beers, comparison, day, drinking, drinking water, fat, Funny, funny comparison, hours, humor, impossible, impossible task, kid, seems, seesaw, shot, shots, task, water
December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

6 days ago

beard, belief, Christmas, claus, December, everything, fat, fat man, fix, holiday, man, me, Santa, Santa Claus, someone
Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

6 days ago

again, Christmas, fat, getting, gift, guess, holiday, humor, joke, repetition, same, self-deprecation, thing
I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

6 days ago

anything, fat, humor, old, question, short, something, thinking, word
I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

6 days ago

business, business teacher, education, fat, humor, i, irony, own, pe, PE teacher, physical, physical education, scam, school, teacher, weight
I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

6 days ago

cake, complaint, expense, expensive, fat, humor, i, life, lived, longer, people, pet, pets, weight, wish
Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

7 days ago

casual, eating, fat, food, guy, hand, hands, humor, laziness, lazy, political, rice, self-deprecation
I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

7 days ago

acceptance, body, body image, confidence, dress, fat, humor, i, image, self, self-acceptance, summer, think, want, well
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

7 days ago

dieting, fat, food, humor, ID, salad, sarcasm, taste, weight
When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

1 week ago

drain, energy, energy drain, fat, fatigue, humor, humor quote, life, motivation, people, sarcasm, self-care, should, suck, take, too, witty

For even more funny fat quotes, hit next 👇

All funny fat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

88 shares on X this month:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate world events. I have problems of my own to worry about.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

25 shares on Threads this month:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

17 shares on X this month:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,654

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Spotted on Facebook:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Just shared via Threads:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Just shared via Instagram:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

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