Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

77 Funny favorite quotes

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

3 months ago

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

3 months ago

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

3 months ago

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

3 months ago

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

3 months ago

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

3 months ago

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

3 months ago

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

3 months ago

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

3 months ago

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

3 months ago

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

3 months ago

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

3 months ago

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

3 months ago

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

3 months ago

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

3 months ago

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

3 months ago

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

3 months ago

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

3 months ago

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

3 months ago

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

3 months ago