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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has shared:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¨ has shared:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has shared:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

69 but we both just farting.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has viewed:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

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15,241

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12,568

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Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via Telegram:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Just shared via Messenger:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying β€œsteam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Going viral on Instagram:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Making waves on Instagram:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

Updated

34 minutes ago

Users Online

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has bookmarked:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ί has copied:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has shared:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has copied:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has copied:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Reddit:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Trending via YouTube:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Spotted on Reddit:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Going viral on Facebook:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Reported on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Going viral on Discord:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by β€œYou complete me.”

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

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