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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

3 hours ago

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Trending via Slack:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Just landed via Telegram:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Shared recently on Threads:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Breaking via Twitch:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Live now on YouTube:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Breaking via WeChat:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Home » Funny Job Quotes » Page 8

249 Funny job quotes

More funny job quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Commentary:
"Nothing screams romance like a man with a shovel and a dream! 😂🏖️👷‍♂️ #SandcastleGoals"
2 months ago
Share →: Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

…

Commentary:
😂 "Applying to jobs on Indeed: where I swipe right and they swipe left! 🏃‍♂️💼💔"
2 months ago
Share →: Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Commentary:
"Finally putting my degree in Couch-ology to good use! 🛋️📚😎"
2 months ago
Share →: Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Commentary:
“When old job habits die hard… still giving my boss TMI, 5 months later. 💩📱😂”
2 months ago
Share →: We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Commentary:
"Trying to hold down a job while the universe spins like a blender in the rinse cycle! 🌪️🍹 #CosmicJobFair"
2 months ago
Share →: Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Commentary:
"Guess I'll just keep my untalented self on the apology tour! 🎤🚀😅 #OopsDidItAgain"
2 months ago
Share →: Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Commentary:
"Career change: from office worker to full-time 'yes, dear' consultant! 🤔💕😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Commentary:
"Finally found my dream job: full-time summer enthusiast! 😎☀️🍹 #CareerGoals"
2 months ago
Share →: My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Commentary:
😂 "Living the dream: deleting LinkedIn and vanishing like a professional ninja! 🥷💨 #CareerGoals"
3 months ago
Share →: Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Commentary:
"Some people are just tirelessly dedicated to their craft! 🤦‍♂️🙄 #FullTimeAsshole"

For even more funny job quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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New Funny Quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

3 hours ago

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Shared recently on Telegram:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Making waves on Slack:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Making waves on YouTube:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Freshly posted on X:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Trending via Messenger:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

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